When Therapy Does Not Seem to Help

Many people come to a new therapist after previous therapy that did not help, and they often wonder whether the problem is them. In most cases it is not. There are a number of reasons therapy may not seem to work, and many of them can be addressed.

Common reasons

• The approach did not match what you needed, such as mostly talking through problems without building new emotional experience.
• The relationship did not feel safe or understood enough for you to open up.
• The pace was too fast or too slow.
• Goals were not clear, or they changed without being discussed.
• Sessions were too infrequent to build momentum.
• A pattern of avoidance or self-protection kept important feelings out of the room.

The role of the relationship

Research on therapy consistently finds that the relationship between therapist and client matters a great deal. If you do not feel understood, it is worth saying so, and a good therapist will welcome the feedback. Sometimes the conversation itself becomes a corrective experience.

What may be different in EFIT

Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) places emphasis on feeling and making sense of emotions in session, on the relationship, and on pacing. It is not right for everyone, and it also has limitations. It is an experiential model that does not primarily teach regulation techniques, so some clients benefit from additional skills such as grounding or breathing practices, which we can add when helpful.

Starting again

If you have been disappointed before, it is reasonable to feel cautious. It can help to tell a new therapist what did not work, and a consultation call is a good place to do that. You can also read about signs that therapy is working.

Let's Talk

A free 15-minute consultation call is a low-pressure way to start and to see whether we are a good fit.

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Related Reading

Signs That Therapy Is Working →

Venting and Processing in Therapy →

What Helps Therapy Change Last →