Family Patterns
Considerations for setting boundaries with family members, including the feelings that often come with doing so.
Boundaries are the limits you set around what you will do, what you will accept, and what you will share. Setting them with family can be especially hard, because family relationships carry history, loyalty, and expectations about how people should behave. Many adults find that a boundary they would set easily with a coworker feels nearly impossible with someone in their family, and that is a very common experience. A boundary can also be a way of protecting a relationship you care about, and it does not have to be a judgment of anyone.
Guilt is a common secondary emotion in Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT), and it can show up when you do something that feels new and risky. Feeling guilty does not always mean you did something wrong. It may mean you are acting differently from the way you learned to keep the peace.
It is often easier to practice boundaries with the support of a therapist, particularly when the pattern is connected to attachment and self-worth. We can explore what makes a limit feel unsafe, the feelings beneath it, and what you need in order to hold it. You may also find the articles on emotionally immature family dynamics and people-pleasing relevant.
A free 15-minute consultation call is a low-pressure way to start and to see whether we are a good fit.
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