Family Patterns
A description of emotionally immature family dynamics and how they can shape the way we relate to our own feelings and to other people.
Emotionally immature family dynamics describe patterns in which feelings were difficult for a family to talk about, respond to, or manage, so that emotional needs often went unmet even when there was real love and effort. Families are made up of people who each carry their own histories, stresses, and limits, and these patterns are usually passed along without anyone choosing them. Looking at them is a way of understanding your own experience and has no need to assign blame to anyone.
Adults who grew up with these patterns may have difficulty identifying their feelings or needs, may be highly attuned to other people's moods, and may feel guilty about setting limits. They may also be self-critical, may find it hard to trust that others will be there, and may notice familiar dynamics repeating in friendships and romantic relationships.
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) is a non-pathologizing approach, which means it assumes that every way of coping and relating developed for a reason and can be understood in the context of a person's life. The focus is on your emotional experience now and on the strategies you developed, and it does not require deciding who was at fault. Healing tends to happen through new experiences of being heard and responded to with care, including in the relationship we build in therapy.
It is common to feel gratitude, sadness, anger, and love at the same time, and therapy offers room for all of them without asking you to resolve them. You may also find the article on setting boundaries with family helpful.
A free 15-minute consultation call is a low-pressure way to start and to see whether we are a good fit.
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