Relationship Patterns
For a lot of people, neither of the versions they learned growing up was this one.
Many people only have two models for conflict: the explosive version, or the silent, avoidant version. Neither one is actually what healthy conflict looks like, which can make it hard to recognize even when it's happening.
Healthy conflict tends to stay sized to the actual disagreement, rather than expanding into a referendum on the whole relationship. Both people can state their side without the goal being to win. It can include real frustration or hurt feelings without either person needing to shut down or escalate to feel heard.
If neither model you grew up with looked like this, that's a skill gap, not a personal flaw. Therapy is often where people first practice staying present in a disagreement without it needing to end in either explosion or silence.
This is common territory in individual therapy, not just couples work.
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