Therapy
Why understanding a pattern does not always change it, and what can help when insight alone has not been enough.
Many thoughtful people reach a point where they can describe their patterns in detail. They know where the patterns came from, they can predict how they will react, and they have read the books. Then the reaction happens anyway, and it can feel discouraging to understand something so well and still not be able to change it.
Insight is a cognitive understanding, and many patterns are held in emotion and in the body. A reaction can occur in an instant, before the thinking part of the mind has a chance to step in. I do not entirely believe that insight or cognitive methods alone can create change, and my experience is that a combination of felt safety and insight helps a client create change that lasts.
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) is an experiential model. Many therapeutic approaches identify emotion intellectually, and EFIT deliberately aims to deepen emotional experience, helping you access and feel your emotions in session. We create room to feel painful or vulnerable feelings with support, which can allow them to change.
We slow down and notice what happens in your body when a pattern is activated, we identify the more vulnerable feelings and needs beneath it, and we create new emotional experiences in a relationship that feels safe. Over time, the pattern often loosens, which makes new responses available. You can read the article on venting and processing or about what helps change last.
A free 15-minute consultation call is a low-pressure way to start and to see whether we are a good fit.
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