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People with an anxious attachment style often seek frequent reassurance from partners, friends, or family, but that reassurance rarely brings lasting relief. It's common to carry a persistent fear of rejection or abandonment, even in relationships that are going well, along with a tendency to be self-critical and assume the worst about how others see you. When this pattern centers on over-focusing on a partner's needs and moods at the expense of your own, it's sometimes described as codependency.

Anxious attachment is a learned pattern. It's usually rooted in inconsistent caregiving early in life, and it responds well to therapy, especially work that goes beyond understanding the pattern intellectually and builds an actual felt sense of safety in relationships.

What This Can Look Like

Signs this pattern might be familiar

Seeking reassurance that rarely brings lasting relief

Rejection sensitivity, a fear of rejection or abandonment that shows up even without a clear reason

Difficulty setting boundaries in close relationships

Self-criticism paired with a belief you'll eventually be rejected

Focusing on what others think of you more than what you want

Feeling emotionally needy or overly dependent on a partner's attention

How Therapy Helps

The Starting Point

People are wired to look for a steady place to return to when things feel hard, and a stable base to operate from when things are going well. When that wasn't reliably available early on, the nervous system adapts by staying alert instead of settling. We work on recognizing when that alarm goes off in your current relationships, understanding what it's asking for, and building the felt experience of a relationship you can rely on, including the one in the room.

Where This Leads

This tends to move toward secure attachment, which mostly means trusting good relationships without constant vigilance.

See what that looks like →

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Related Reading

How Long Does This Work Usually Take? →

Journaling Prompts for Anxious Attachment →

How to Tell If You Have an Anxious Attachment Style →

Anxious Attachment vs. Anxiety →